Self-help? Try Cards
I love self-help literature. I’ve read hundreds of books and have been genuinely supported by many of them. However, there is a pattern to my engagement with them. Here’s what often happens:
I order the book. Can’t wait to read it!
The book arrives. It’s AMAZING! I devour it like a hungry animal.
For a week or so I live the messages in the book, applying the technique or approach to every situation. It works!
I start to forget to apply the approaches or I get interested in other things.
I slide back to my usual way.
Does this pattern look familiar to you? There’s a reason.
In my previous life as curriculum developer and trainer/facilitator, I knew that learners needed a LOT of repetition and continued support if they were expected to show any kind of lasting behavior change. Even the best, most expensive trainings did not inspire change if they were delivered as one-off events.
The same is true of a book. Even the most earth-shatteringly insightful book fails to change our behavior in the long run most of the time.
So what do we do? Should we give up on the idea of self-guided change? Should we skip the book altogether?
No, silly. It’s just that books are not always the best format for promoting change. Books condense a large amount of information into a small space and they have a logical, organized, intellectual flow. They’re meant to be read in sequence, with one idea building on another.
Behavior, however, is not logical, organized, sequential or intellectual. It’s a mish-mash of emotions, self-images, obligations, learned patterns, and sentimental attachments (to name just a few of very many pieces). I think of behavior as governed by an enormous, amorphous, sensitive blob. It’s alive and curious, but it’s patterned and programmed and unless it encounters something REALLY BIG, it will not change directions.
Enter: Cards
I’m not talking about tarot cards or divination decks. There are so many other kinds of card decks!
Some self-help authors spread their insights out in a deck of cards rather than (or in addition to) the book format. Readers are encouraged to read one card a day or randomly draw a card whenever the mood strikes, possibly prior to a meditation or healing session.
I appreciate this format because it provides the repetition and reinforcement I need to integrate nuanced teachings. For example, I’m currently enjoying Miranda MacPherson’s “Cultivating Grace” deck.
Grace is the practice of surrender, allowing, and accepting the present moment with a soft grin. Since my mind does not appreciate surrender of any kind, my default state is not such a graceful one, but I’ve known graceful moments and I like the idea of cultivating more of these in my daily life. In the deck, each of the 64 cards explores grace from a slightly different angle, sometimes with instructions for an exercise, mantra, or practice.
I’ve placed the deck on my desk next to my computer; I read one card a day, and make a point of looking at it a few times. When I fully engage with the teaching on the card, for that moment I do touch some kind of grace. By the end of the day I feel I’ve integrated a little more of what grace really is — the teaching gets just a little closer to my bones.
If you like, next time you’re in the self-help section or you’re excited about a new book, have a look to see if anyone has done a card deck on that topic. If so, consider picking it up and engaging with it in a way that makes sense for you — make sure it’s ongoing, spread out over many days. As an extra-credit project, you could even make your own card deck. Write key insights from a self-help book onto index cards and revisit them over an extended period of time.
If it helped you memorize your biology notes in high school, it can help you to integrate personal or spiritual development guidance too!
